Persecution Invisible in Japan: An Unwritten Will

Hi! It's Shellil Linn.m(_ _)m

It is still painful memories in me although the long time has past since then.

After the first year in the elementary school year was over, I suffered Hikikomoiri, a mental syndrome that a patient don't come out of one's room or refuse to be in touch with others on the spring.

When I was seven, Hikikomori hadn't recognized in this society, so as autism and mutism.

No one could really feel my existence like a professional Ninja in the old time. The difference with Ninja was, I wasn't intended to do so by my will.

I had estranged divergence in my psycho system until in my thirtieth, so I really didn't know how to show other people "I'm here!".

All I knew at that time was "people don't feel my existence unless their eyes on me by their will".

And the stress leave for a week was the first foot step in to the adult world for me.

My home phone number was  area code with 0110, and the police dial in Japan is 110. That was time to switch from black phone with round dial to push button phone with number keys.

One day I took a phone shouted "my office is in fire! Send me fire trucks!". So, I told him that the fire department call is 119, not 110, and my home isn't a police office nor an emergency call operator centre.  He, a small company owner got mad on me, for him my speaking tone sounded as "a stupid middle school graduate girl".

I just said what I've learned in the picture book I've read in the elementary school.

This incident opened me the world. The fire department researcher, fire insurance company investigators and the NTT customer service had visited me when I was in my home alone!

They confirmed a little girl is alone at home, and did the best seven years old could do.  The fire insurance investigators tried their best to explain me the system of fire insurance. He said if the fire reaches the ceiling, the insurance payment will raise more than twice than not reached, and the guy insured had almost equal amount of depth to the insurance payment.

They were kind enough to notify NTT the telephone system  in Japan to change our phone number to without a number changing deposit payment.

It was the first incident I'd face to learn the world out of my childhood.

I also saw a police man arrest a left movement woman fighting against the US army presence around my home. A police man try to beat a woman with pink helmet, and when that woman try to brush away that police man's hand, he arrested her for the obstruction charge of official duty.

And the third one changed my life after all.

Garden of the Presbyterian Church I've played.

As Toshi, the old lady Sayo's grand son became 1st grade student in a same elementary school I was, Toshi started to say rude words to his grandmother, the old lady Sayo.  And the family abuse had chased the old lady Sayo to melancholy symptom by the summer.

Around that time, the Presbyterian  pastor planned the pilgrimage to Jerusalem and asked the old lady Sayo to join the pilgrimage tour.

Mr. Sayo was so fascinated to show his devotion and thanks to the old lady Sayo, his mother.  He announced when Mrs. Sayo invited me to the supper at Sayo's home, to make sure that he has an evident for his declaration.

At the Autumn 1972, the old lady Sayo had the first and the last pilgrimage to Jerusalem.

And Mrs. Sayo's jerous raise up higher than ever, and she insisted the old lady Sayo to all the house hold work except cooking. The old lady Sayo seemed having health trouble at that time, but she was insisted to clean all houses, toilet, and the bathroom.

At the winter of 1972, the old lady Sayo was treated as a convenient maiden of Mrs. Sayo, and the old lady Sayo said that she is already close to her limit.

I've felt something really tragic from her eyes, but there's not much things I could do.

I still hope that my presence wasn't bothering her, but some slight consolation for her.

There is still a little regret that I couldn't do much to avoid the tragedy.  I was only seven years old girl with invisible handicap at that time.

But the unwritten will of the old lady Sayo is still in my life.