At the time June 2016 in Japan, mood of this society is filled only with the manipulated information on news, documentaries, varieties and rig information broadcasted by the extremists. It's really a vomiting condition, and nothing has changed even UN and Report Without Border had warned to our government.
So many ordinary people don't understand why TV give only "selected news" and adulteries everyday. Except few, the ordinary Japanese never aware if they're cheated. Since Edo period until 1960th, Japanese people are taught to have high literacy, calculation ability without fundamental philosophy to stand on. The very abstract "spirituality" had already corrupted the "Galapagos" or closed indulgence.
Majority of people are well-tamed under depression, persecution and social threat.
It is still my painful memories to call back. The old lady Sayo's suicide.
As Toshi became an elementary school kid, he started to tease the old lady Sayo, his grandmother so harsh words. Mrs. Sayo was inspired by Toshi's brave to abuse the old lady Sayo, she asked her mother-in-law to do all the household works except cooking.
On my today's view, the old lady Sayo seem to have not only the mental disorder, but also many kinds of physical disorder by aging. She tried her best to do all the house cleaning, washing, even bathroom cleaning in the evening everyday before Mr. Sayo come home.
Mrs. Sayo would never let Mr. Sayo notice the truth. According to Mrs. Sayo's theory, if the Christians are believe in "the perfect one God", then Christians has to be a "perfect person".
The old lady Sayo's face turn dark and dull as the first semester end, right before the summer vacation.
At the second semester, her face became so seriously troubled and struggled. One day the old lady Sayo said to me "I made mistake raising my son. I've made him wrong decision on his marriage".
I couldn't really understand what she really meant at my age seven, but, I really blamed myself if I wasn't a mute at that time.
One day in late autumn, the old lady Sayo said "I'm almost given up, sweet honey" when I was with her cleaning the big bath room with the wide Japanese style bathtub and washing area.
Maybe I was the only existence for the old lady Sayo to confess her true feeling. Maybe our Lord was right and just to let a mute autism girl be beside to this poor old lady.
She said "sweet honey, can you visit me several days after this?". I
've just nodded, but felt some anxiety being in touch with the real adult's world.
On the assigned day, I visited the old lady Sayo staying alone at her house. There was a Bible verse card with some purple flower on a wooden pillar.
She asked me to sit in the formal style and taught me the Palms is the poems and songs of King David who remained us the famous prayers in the Bible.
And she taught me the Palms 23:1-4.
I really don't know if a seven years old can memorize those Bible verses by just once or twice reading without knowing the Chinese characters which were too difficult to second grade girl although I ' been a bookworm since babyhood.
I still remember the part of "literal oral version" Bible verse which is already not in use since 1985.
Lord is my Shepherd;
there is nothing to lack.
In green pastures you let me graze;
to safe water you lead me;
you restore my strength.
You guide me along the right path for the sake your name.
Even when I walk through a dark valley,
I fear no harm for you are at my side;
your rod and staff give me courage.
I don't thing the old lady Sayo expected me to memorize it or try to understand it sometime in my life.
I also don't know why she told me these verses. I'll ask her this first time when I meet her in heaven.
She was satisfied 'cause I could repeat the verses twice.
She said "believe in Christ when you're really difficult. He'll surely help you. Believe in our Lord."
And then she said, "sweet honey, don't come to this place any more, OK? Never come here."
If I was' t a mute, I could ask her something. But, only word I could say was "Yes".
She sent me back, and hanged herself at the dark living room crossbeam of the ceiling.
A seven year old girl was the last person she talked before her suicide.
The next day was maybe Saturday or Sunday. My father and the old neighbors told me that the old lady Sayo hanged herself, and died on the evening about five to six o'clock, several hours after I left her house.
Her family was out somewhere I don't really know, and came back home in the evening, and found her hanged in the living room.
My father asked me what had happened for he need to tell my words to the police. He sat at the old rent house corridor, and try to do the hearing as much as he can.
I don't remember what I said to my dad. The vision of hanged old lady was in my image, and I knew the fact that I'll never see her alive again.
That was my first grief and suicide I've experienced in my life.
For a sensitive autism child like me, I couldn't cry for several decades after the incident. The old lady Sayo was gone forever from the earth, and I've received unlimited love from her for two years.
Her suicide changed my life. I turned to think back whole incident again and again to know what was really happened.
Around that time, I started to day-dream on re-mission the Christianity in some European country to notify that the Christian faith isn't just something inherited as nice joyful Christmas and Easter, but to be with our Lord Christ.
Her suicide was truly "a grain of wheat falls to the ground" to me.
I mentioned that there are three factors on this incident. It was a family problem, and the persecution against Christianity was bully, and the old lady Sayo's personal interaction.
Around this time, the darkness in my life is stepping closer to me.
At that time, I was too young to understand what have been really going on around me.
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