The Effect, The Defect And The Side Effect Of Atheism We See In Japan

Hi! It's Shellil Linn.♪( ´▽｀)

Last week, I've found a commentary  discussed on "if the religious conflict cause the civil war in the middle East?" in Al Jazeera English home page.

It was really impressive that a religious philosopher who regarded the freedom to live as an atheist is really important to avoid the religious conflict in a society even that was never a point for the studio commentator.

There is the one common point in Judaism, Christianity, Muslim, and Hinayana Buddhism. To join the religious community as a lay person, one has to be entitled by some clear reason(ex: being Jewish,  born or raised as a child in certain religious family, acknowledged and studied the teaching, some kind of decision making to join the community by oneself) to swear, or have a Covenant to show one's belief in some way.

In Japanese Buddhism, Shintoism along with a family or area never require any study on the teaching, never required to know the basic concept of any religious concept.

Recently, we don't even need to know about the religious rituals such as one's marriage or funeral, or memorial services of household religion.

An atheistic marridge hall in the hotel is available. Usually they call a  white man actor as a faked pastor as a fashion.

About marriage, everybody can do atheistic marriage ceremony, and the marriage advisor teach you everything.

On the funeral and memorial services, one can discuss with a funeral service company salesman. And the salesman can find appropriate Buddhist monk, Shinto priest, protestant pastor or even a Catholic priest! You can pre-study briefly what you have to do during the services in your household religion  by a DVD explains all details along with your religion provided by the funeral company.

All you have to do is select the marriage or funeral service package plan suitable for your budget!

Cause one don't have to worry to bother his/her life joining unwanted religious services.
Wow! Japan is the true paradise for atheists!

That's why almost all Japanese are apathetic to being an atheist no matter what they feel in their mind. Most of modern Japanese people are becoming atheistic by urbanization and the isolation toward their ancestor, Buddhism teaching or Shinto goddesses.

The natural atheism in Japan has a good effect for those who aren't "blessed" in religious literacy. Those who aren't gifted in religious sense don't have to be patient for enforced to join some religious community which against their atheistic sense.

The natural atheism in Japan sometimes become a tool to avoid the religious conflict if one is really t" a talented atheist". In this sense, Japanese people say "be a Roman in Rome" and  some of them really show their respect to the local religious custom in the place they live.

Most of atheistic Japanese are so serious about "moral" not to become troublesome to the other people.

Since Japanese government had been persecuting the Christianity since 17th century, majority of people concert that the Christianity confront to the Japanese atheism. majority of over middle age people still concern "it is not allowed to become a Christian in Japan or covert from the household religion".

And it is typical teaching in sect religion in Japan that "oh, you don't have to convert from your household religion to join XX sect spirituality. It's nothing more than spiritual to join XX!"

One reason it happens is brainwashing the nation as atheists are very convenient for raising fund for so many temples, small and Grand Shrine's endlessly rising construction cost frequently happen in all area in Japan except Okinawa and Hokkaido.

To continue the fund raising, the blessing for the building, purification ritual in hospitals and nursery house where people might die is the important revenue sources. In this point, LDP, Nippon Kaigi and other sect religious groups have been working so hard to promote the purity, cleanliness, and aim to be pollution-free spiritually.

"Bacillus" "dirt" is the enemy and discriminated term in Japan frequently used by racist. So, Japanese TV commercials we often watch are soaps, deodorizers, cars, and insurances!

The natural atheism cause the apathy to the religious matter which cause the serious degradability of the religious literacy in Japan.

Even the famous University professors in liberal art don't understand the practical functions of the religious literacy in very basic approach because there's no tradition to devote into one religious belief in this nation.

So, it is very hard to accept death hence no human being can terminate death no matter how scientific progress shows its advantage.

To be respectful for the basic human right, Christians and Muslims also need to concern about those who are't talented in some kind of spiritual or religious sense. I think it must be not easy for those who are dull in religious sense need to be patient in Sunday school without understanding what they had learn, and have a Covenant just to accept the parents' & relative's expectation.

Atheism seems as it is the modern religion in Japan.

I'm not sure if the atheism is good or bad. But, we Catholics should pay attention to those who aren't talented in religious or spiritual sense.

A Basic Concept of the Religious Studies about Japan

Hi! It's Shellil Linn.(_ _).｡o○

For those who are interested in religious studies will face a big wall to understand "what is the religion in Japan".

Some books say Japanese are mainly Buddhists, while the other material claim that most of the ordinary Japanese are sentimentally Shintoists.

If you try to find some ethnographical pieces written in English, you'll find so deep & narrow field work report on a very small village culture or religious activities.

Even the scholars in the religious major don't want to write on the religious culture covering entire Japan except Japanese government assign some scholar to do so.

If you ask any Japanese scholar, bureaucrats why the Japanese people hesitate to express their religious matter, most of they confess that "Japanese people are too shy to express what in each feeling".

I would say those Japanese authoritarians claim "Japanese are very shy and in-going" is the biggest which made of entire Japanese society with apathetic ignorance for the deterioration of religious literacy in Japanese society.

Majority of Japanese people concern the primitive chaos is the only truth. The chaos is true to Japanese because all the religious teaching can only tells the part of the primitive chaos. And all the world or local religions, the local folk belief, local processions and the pilgrimage are concerned as some part of "the entire primitive chaos".

And in the interaction of Japanese mentality, each person is looking forward to find a very personal spiritual ties with the primitive chaos in very individual way in person.

Actually, rest of the world except Japan realizing that we,  civilized people face the desperate high wall if one would do so.

But, in Japan, the Imperialistic Reformational Extremists who have risen on around early 18th century, at the very end of Tokugawa Tyranny, concerned that they revive the ancient myth called "Kojiki(Ancient mythical Writing)" and pick & pasted the "usable and convenient" concepts from Christianity, Greek and Roman philosophy along with the Confucian teaching "usable and convenient" for their political purposes.

99% of ordinary people had not agreed with these reformer's attempt. However, the reformers themselves had faced the high black on the wall; their parents, partners, and relatives.

During Tokugawa Tyranny, a household must have registered to some Buddhist temple nearby legally. There was almost no freedom of belief nor faith for both priests and lay Buddhists. Buddhist monks' child must inherit only the sect and temple one belong.

Typical shrine until Edo period had worshiped Buddhism and Shinto Statues  in one place.

There had been an annual check-up the temple belonging for their ancestral worship, and must temple the Holy Cross with Jesus to testify not a Christian.

Meiji Era reformers wanted the same system in Shintoism, and failed by five years.

So, the Meiji government had done their best to terminate the local culture, and brain washed the people through the school education by "a person should be spiritually tied with the primitive chaos directly without any religious teaching, faith and prayer which are not favorable to the power of the time.

Because Meiji government had trashed out the traditional religious feeling people had kept until the early 20th century, Japanese people gradually lost their religious literacy lived in their daily life by  political oppressions.

Also, the ethnical standard for sex, marriage, funerals, and folk art had rehashed even the time goes by,  the religious literacy in Japan had got lowered and degraded as the time goes by.

Persecution Invisible In Japan: Something has risen

Hi! It's Shellil Linn.(⌒-⌒; )

Third year in the elementary school was so quiet. Nothing special happened for the entire year.

Yes, there were some teasing for I had communication trouble came from autism, but not very serious.

I didn't have anyone to talk, but, the homeroom teacher was really a nice man. I mean he looked so nice as well as taught us nice in liberal way. He hadn't made any fancy nice smile v.s. smile class, but, managed his class so comfortable to almost all kids.

But by next year, we turn to know that "he" thought he must chase out all teachers whose job performance is excellent and nice.

I turned to know that our school was occupied by "him" the vice principle later on . He was a dwarf-like short old man with few hair bridged on his almost bald head. I've hardly remember his name nor impression. Only impression I had for three years was "he's always sweeping with his broom or gardening somewhere in the school ground whenever he has spare time".

I still wonder how he had found out that much time to do sweeping! He was sweeping or gardening from very early in the morning, morning break, after lunch break and after school!

At the end of third grade, almost all the liberal nice teachers had transferred to other schools. It seems as it is the ordinary annual teachers'  event until I become fourth grade.

Fourth grade class had begun with the horror event. The homeroom teacher changed to super-nationalistic Okinawan woman teacher, and ijime, the loathsome damp abuse had begun.

Strange thing happened was happened in the middle of the school year at that year only. The principle "had moved" by some unclear reason, and the very liberal-type principle had taken his place. Unless the principle become seriously ill, retarded or became pregnant, school teachers usually don't have any transfer in the middle of the school year, but it happened.

I'm very sure that about middle age principle, HE wasn't pregnant nor having physical illness.

The new principle tried his best to do the reformation of that school occupied by "him".  The memorandum work the new principle did on his half a year term was "dream time capsule" a time capsule with our composition sealed in and planted in the school ground corner.  The capsule was opened on the100th anniversary year.

When I was late for school, I met the principle at the gate when he would almost go out for "the morning address". My school satchel was on my back, and I knew I was late. So I said "Good morning, Sir" as we have eye contact unavoidably.

He told that "good morning story" on his  morning address that day. He was the best teacher I've met in my life.

But the new principle's liberal policy really made "him" feeling so loath. And "he" made this new principle transferred in half a year! It seemed if this whole incident was the political strife.

As the teachers' struggles get worse, ijime to me also became brutal. One boy put some strong glue on my top of the hair, so I had to shave of some of my hair.

"He" was planning to do "his style" education at the ordinary elementary school. Some students were violent but not punished, but I was punished to "not being communicative and corporative".

I still remember how I've ashamed to lift up the heavy wooden chair for an hour without  any rest nor dropping the chair for a school hour. I couldn't do my study during the punishment, and I really couldn't understand why I was punished by having bruise while a boy who kicked my shin wasn't punished.

That Okinawan teacher tried her best how nationalism and patriotism supported by imperialism is good to follow.

Many of you might concern why the parents were so quiet, and the students and teachers were helpless in almost unconstitutional situation. According to the present constitution, the public school must not teach any religious moral, teaching.

But, in a closed society name the Japanese public school abandoned the aberrant condition.

Persecution Invisible In Japan: What Japanese Imperial Nationalists misunderstood on Christianity?

Hi! It's Shellil Linn.(ｰ ｰ;)

As in the UK or in Republic of Ireland, people live in islands are likely to be isolated than communicative with other tribal, ethnic groups. Especially, Japan is very isolated from the Asian contient for the Japan Current, the Kuril Current flow from the contienent to Japan, so as the wind.

The Japanese tradition had been the polytheism mixture of Shintoism and Buddhism. Historically, Shintoism has been taking the expansionistic strategy to take over the administratively centralized nation since 5th century.

However, their rituals and the grand Shrine construction cost have been a burden of national budget since the ancient time, too. So nobles and scholars tried their best to theorize the Shintoism, but failed again and again.

One reason the failure of theorization is the "goodness structure is supported by local community, but don't have both horizon communication route within each Shintoist sect group. Also, the ordinary people's faith and nobles' "theories" has been dissociated until now.

"Namban-dera, the first Church in Kyoto established in 16th century.

In the 16th century, Tokugawa Shogunate had made a big decision on the political policy for the religious authorities and movements. Shogunate government established the domestic laws and let the religious body be compulsory incorporated to the Shogunate authority, so the Shogunate government can take social control over all the religious body and movements.

By the strict carrot and stick policy with brutal persecution over Christians and other minority religious movements, the religious literacy has deteriorated generally, and the mindlessness caused to encourage the mystical fear and anxiety.

At the end of Tokugawa dynasty, the rightwing imperialists had visited post-civil war United States. And they were so amazed how "the United States movement had been keeping the civilian control by Christian religion".

Those imperialists had never seen how much conflict there are in the Christian society, never seen the KKK and minority races' conflict even their ship Kanrin-Maru had passed by the immigration ship carried a cabin full of Chinese immigrants to San Francisco.

So, the 19th century imperialists misunderstood the relationship between Christianity each Church authorities, and the government. They misunderstood that the United States government is utilizing the Christianity to integrate the nation and taking over the control of all Christian Churches!

That's why the imperialists thought that if they set the Japanese emperor as the highest living godness if Japan, let people hail to the "new goodness". If they do so, the new government can have more monotheistic polytheism in the order of the imperialistic theoretical Shintoism under government control.

Although Christian nor Catholic concern that the Christian churches, the government of each country and region, and the people have never been in such easy and simple condition as Imperialistic Shintoist believed, they thought they can establish the new integrated & unified politico-religious body.

To maximize the effect of carrot, the Meiji government have needed someone to segregate by stick.
And the Japanese Catholics, Christians and communists became the scape goat "to make stick effectively give damage" to the civil mentality.

So, the persecution toward the Catholic and Christians are still severe in Japan even for a little children.

Please pray for us as well as those who are in more trouble in all over the world.

Persecution Invisible in Japan: Globalize the Japanophilosofeeling

Hi! It's Shellil Linn.(^｡^)

On the previous G7 Summit had held in Japan, all G7 leaders  except  Japan were puzzled  and embarrassed why they were invited to Ise Grand Shrine  one of "Worship Hall" in the Shrine.

It is definitely strange if it happened in the other country.

Imagine if you're a G7 leader, and invited to the famous Anglican Church Worship to show-off how their politico-religious influence.in strong enough in England. The attempt will surely cause the trouble all over the Christian World.

Since their has been only a few written material in foreign language what Japanese had been really thinking because the Japanese government encouraged and granted the found only for propaganda-alike research about Japanese culture.

Beautiful Sunset View

Except the missionaries' letters, records or some confidential report made by foreign media and researchers, it is very hard to hear what Japanese people have in their mind. I call the mood or "air" as "Japanophilosofeeling".

Japanophilosofeeling is the Japanese style "sameness sharing feeling" which is unexplainable, virtue but strong feeling of truth, eternity, something beyond the death, heaven beyond the horizon or the country mountain or else what each Japanese person inherited as "it is".

Hence Japanophilosofeeling doesn't have clarified theory, or any kind of religious body since the ancient tradition has been existed in the deep feeling of Japanese people like Jello in a pot or cloud in the sky.

Except for Japanophilosofeeling, most of all religious rituals or theories have some kind of logical born or structure as in Christianity, Muslim, Buddhism, Hindu, Bali-Hindu, even in Voodoo cult.

Especially, in Christianity, Muslim, Buddhism, and Hindu has highly sophisticated philosophy along with the rituals, music, and faith.

In Japanophilosofeeling, majority of ordinary Japanese might concern a taboo to step into the Japanophilosofeeling. As a result, only "blessed" people become mystically religious while the religious literacy is very low in the majority.

Most of Japanese people get really scared if they see the truth face to face in them, or face straight ahead to the Japanophilosofeeling. "We" feel as it might occur the unexpected madness, something similar to fanatic "dance of death"temptation, falling into the darkness, and fire unexpected temper in us which might kill me or others.

Shintoism and Japanese Buddhism are mainly pray and do the rituals to calm down the goddesses and daemons which might cause the anger and temper deeply rooted into the Japanophilosofeeling.

By my lifework to overcome the Japanophilosofeeling through Catholic faith, it is a kind of local religious feeling and just a view for human being.

The problem of Japanophilosofeeling is,  the main body of the Meiji government, the imperialists' misunderstood the religio-political structure of 19th century United States.

Those imperialists misunderstood that the United States is governed by constitutionalize  Christianity as religio-pollitical dominant, and using the Christianity-enpowered constitution instead of strong political authority rule like a "kingdom" or "Tokugawa Shogunate tyranny"

Those of you who read this may have many questions, doubts, or some ???? feeling.

Imperialists' had dreamed to set up the Meiji government authority by their "trinity" born. The strong religious dignity of Imperial Shintoism, the Shintoistic religion-political rule called "Meiji imperial constitution" and the armed bureaucratic authority were the three main factors of "Meiji government trinity born".

To justify the Meiji authority, 19th century Japanese government forced to divid all the Shinto-Buddhism mixed local shrines where they worshiped Amitabh, Maitreya and the local goddesses on their altar side by side.
Until Meiji period, the popular style of mixed shrines were very common in the majority in the farmers, fishers, merchants and craftsmen.

They had never doubt if there are Buddhism statue or Shinto statue  except few intelligent Samurai or scholars who have practiced ancient and modern literature at that time.

Those imperialists also misunderstood that if one nation is settled up as the Imperial Shintoism religion-political authority, the Japanophilosophy has to be spreader out as the global standard as the Christianity is the global religion.

So, the imperialists' persecution against Christianity, communism and all kinds of minority just because the Japanophilosofeeling is based on the mental co-dependence.

On the previous G7 Summit in Ise-Shima, Japan, the Japan Conference handled Abe cabinet wanted to appeal the globalization of Japanophilosofeeling to the world.

Since Japanophilosofeeling is just a virtue feeling without practicing any traditional religion, modern Japanese people are always in anxiety, co-dependent and exclusivism against all kinds of minorities.

That the reason why the people who have strong Japanophlilosofeeling feel that Christians and Muslims are exclusive to polytheism in Japan.

That's why the rightest Japanophilosofeelingists abuse even a little child in Sunday school for the Christians in the world are not broad-minded enough to admit polytheism in Christianity, Catholicism Muslim, or Jewish religion.

Even in my childhood, I was abused by attending Presbyterian  Sunday school, because of above reason.

And no little children, an ordinary housewife or office worker have no way to overview such a difficult interaction approach.

So for majority of Christians and Catholics in Japan are living day by day abuse through the family members, neighbors, friends, or the internet messages.

Until I really reach out to certain confidence in my Catholic faith, I've been verbally abused almost everyday by those who'd never wanted to be aware of Japanophilosofeeling in them.

Majority of Japanese people are still believe in that the Japanophilosofeeling is the world final solution which abolish all the war in the earth, the religious conflict and the cultural conflict in all over the world!

I know Japanophilosofeelingists are just a mare day dreamers in closed group in Japan.

Scarily thing is there are 55 nuclear electric plants on so many volcanoes and faults include the broken Fukushima Daichi nuclear electric plant which nuclear polluted water has been leaking since March 11th, 2011 till now.

Japanophilosofeelingists are not just the troublesome authority for 0.02% of Catholics, Christians' human right, but the serious problem for pan pacific area.

Oh Lord, please help us to find the way to awake those Japanophilosofeelingists from their dangerous fancy dream, Amen.

Persecution Invisible in Japan: "Hands" behind the facts

Hi! It's Shellil Linn.　( ^_^)/~~~

I had serious communication problem by my age seven. I have been having autism and mute, and except a kindergarten principle, no one really mentioned for sufficient support.

The changes in post WWII Japanese society have been gradually upcoming to the social conflict, and the relationship in the local community also had changed at early 1970th.

As I said, I'd had more than enough bad luck and deep life experience in my age seven.

Recently as Abe's dictatorship unvailed the background information on "the Japan Conference", the rightest wing politico-cult movement organization was once a part of "political union of Seicho-No-Ie(a non-Shrinist Shinto sect, which don't designated to the local Shrine and have charismatic founder) when I was in the elementary school.

An autistic kid have too much persistence for something. I have my persistence to clarify the facts that I was really puzzled.

A Ijime, a bully had started in very strange way.

One day, about 5-7 students, who I really don't know except few 2nd grader in the different class. I remember some of them were like 3-5th grader, whom I really don't know who were they.

This Ijime group surrounded me, brought me to the pitcher's mound of the baseball field, just in front of the teacher's office include vice & principle's office.

And they had hit kicked, and abused for thirty minutes or some. NO teacher came out to help me although it happened in the middle of the school ground.

The strange things is I really don't know why this team of Ijime group had done the abuse like a show.

The situation and set-up seemed so artificial to me,  as if a strategic adult had asked those kids to do so. It happened several times, but I really couldn't understand why.

Because not like a typical Ijime cases I've suffered in my life, they seemed like a self-organized gang kids group, but this group had disappeared by one to two months without enjoying their group activity.

I still remember some of their eyes were filled with expressionless anxiety, some fear.

After these Ijime incident, I've learned that it will be non-sense to tell about the Ijime to any teacher in the school. I've felt someone's watching the Ijime from somewhere around the teacher's office.

At that time, I really didn't know who he really was, and why he had attempted the Ijime especially to me, not other kids with a little mental retardation.

Those kids with some mental retardation all moved out from the school area, cause they were living in the rent-house.

Long after this, I'll turn to know the vice principle of the school was the one who had settled-up the Ijime for his purpose. His works done at a public school testify himself as leader member of  present Japan Conference.

I was very fortunate and blessed that I was an autism kid, so I could never understand how much he would wanted to threat me.

In my city, people are still scared to touch on the matters that I accidentally became a witness.

At this period, Sunday school at the Presbyterian Church and a private cram school was the only place I could really feel safe and comfortable.

I had have a lot of agonies on being a mute, but thank our Lord Jesus who gave me the place to be as a child.

Persecution Invisible in Japan: A Suicide

Hi! It's Shellil Linn.(^○^)

At the time June 2016 in Japan, mood of this society is filled only with the manipulated information on news, documentaries, varieties and rig information broadcasted by the extremists. It's really a vomiting condition, and nothing has changed even UN and Report Without Border had warned to our government.

So many ordinary people don't understand why TV give only "selected news" and adulteries everyday. Except few,  the ordinary Japanese never aware if they're cheated. Since Edo period until 1960th, Japanese people are taught to have high literacy, calculation ability without fundamental philosophy to stand on. The very abstract "spirituality" had already corrupted the "Galapagos"  or closed indulgence.

Majority of people are well-tamed under depression, persecution and  social threat.

It is still my painful memories to call back.  The old lady Sayo's suicide.

As Toshi became an elementary school kid, he started to tease the old lady Sayo, his grandmother so harsh words. Mrs. Sayo was inspired by Toshi's brave to abuse the old lady Sayo, she asked her mother-in-law to do all the household works except cooking.

On my today's view, the old lady Sayo seem to have not only the mental disorder, but also many kinds of physical disorder by aging. She tried her best to do all the house cleaning, washing, even bathroom cleaning in the evening everyday before Mr. Sayo come home.

Mrs. Sayo would never let Mr. Sayo notice the truth. According to Mrs. Sayo's theory, if the Christians are believe in "the perfect one God", then Christians has to be a "perfect person".

The old lady Sayo's face turn dark and dull as the first semester end, right before the summer vacation.

At the second semester, her face became so seriously troubled and struggled. One day the old lady Sayo said to me "I made mistake raising my son. I've made him wrong decision on his marriage".

I couldn't really understand what she really meant at my age seven, but, I really blamed myself if I wasn't a mute at that time.

One day in late autumn, the old lady Sayo said "I'm almost given up, sweet honey" when I was with her cleaning the big bath room with the wide Japanese style bathtub and washing area.

Maybe I was the only existence for the old lady Sayo to confess her true feeling. Maybe our Lord was right and just to let a mute autism girl  be beside  to this poor old lady.

She said "sweet honey, can you visit me several days after this?". I
've just nodded, but felt some anxiety being in touch with  the real adult's world.

On the assigned day, I visited the old lady Sayo staying alone at her house. There was a Bible verse card with some purple flower on a wooden pillar.

She asked me to sit in the formal style and taught me the Palms is the poems and songs  of King David who remained us the famous prayers in the Bible.

And she taught me the Palms 23:1-4.

I really don't know if a seven years old can memorize those Bible verses by just once or twice reading without knowing the Chinese characters which were too difficult to second grade girl although I ' been a bookworm since babyhood.

I still remember the part of "literal oral version" Bible verse which is already not in use since 1985.

Lord is my Shepherd;
 there is nothing to lack.
In green pastures you let me graze;
 to safe water you lead me;
 you restore my strength.
You guide me along the right path for the sake your name.
Even when I walk through a dark valley,
I fear no harm for you are at my side;
 your rod and staff give me courage.

I don't thing the old lady Sayo expected me to memorize it or try to understand  it sometime in my life.
I also don't know why she told me these verses. I'll ask her this first time when I meet her in heaven.

She was satisfied 'cause I could repeat the verses twice.
She said "believe in Christ when you're really difficult. He'll surely help you. Believe in our Lord."
And then she said, "sweet honey, don't come to this place any more, OK? Never come here."

If I was' t a mute, I could ask her something. But, only word I could say was "Yes".

She sent me back, and hanged herself at the dark living room crossbeam of the ceiling.

A seven year old girl was the last person she talked before her suicide.

The next day was maybe Saturday or Sunday. My father and the old neighbors told me that the old lady Sayo hanged herself, and died on the evening about five to six o'clock, several hours after I left her house.

Her family was out somewhere I don't really know, and came back home in the evening, and found her hanged in the living room.

My father asked me what had happened for he need to tell my words to the police. He sat at the old rent house corridor, and try to do the hearing as much as he can.

I don't remember what I said to my dad. The vision of hanged old lady was in my image, and I knew  the fact that I'll never see her alive again.

That was my first grief and suicide I've experienced in my life.

For a sensitive autism child like me, I couldn't cry for several decades after the incident. The old lady Sayo was gone forever from the earth, and I've received unlimited love from her for two years.



Her suicide changed my life. I turned to think back whole incident again and again to know what was really happened.

Around that time, I started to day-dream on re-mission the Christianity in some European country to notify that the Christian faith isn't just something inherited as nice joyful Christmas and Easter, but to be with our Lord Christ.

Her suicide was truly "a grain of wheat falls to the ground" to me.

I mentioned that there are three factors on this incident. It was a family problem, and the persecution against Christianity was bully, and the old lady Sayo's personal interaction.

Around this time, the darkness in my life is stepping closer to me.

At that time, I was too young to understand what have been really going on around me.